Housework
My house is a wreck. Inside is a mess, outside things are falling apart. There are so many projects that need to be done, and basic maintenance things that have had to be put off, that somedays I feel like i live in the midst of chaos.
Some of it is financial, some of it is physical means, but some of it is of my own making.
Even when in the best of emotional states, I am not a big fan of housework. Don’t get me wrong. I crave neatness. I wont wear clothes that are not fresh and neat, clean and pressed. I like clean surfaces and functionally organized workspaces. But then I complicate myself. At heart I am lazy. I am actually fearful of throwing things away, so i have many collections of things. I hate housework, so i do it when I MUST, when it takes over the world. I do know that if I could manage to do a little bit a day, it would not become insurmountable, but when I do it that way, I end up feeling like all I am doing is cleaning….I get resentful of that. So when there is external motivation, read: company coming, then I bust my tail and then it all gets done, and I collapse. Company is no fun when you just want to take a nap, but the house stays picked up for a while. Even then, there are stash spots that are a MESS for those things that take just too much time to organize. Other motivations can be running out of clothes, or not enough silverware to eat with, or the chaos is just too bad. Don’t take me wrong, the messiest things ever get, are rather neat for most people, but running out of clothes or dishes, and finding the stash room can’t be used for its purpose just aren’t good.
I am a unique mass of contradictions.
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